Tuesday, September 02, 2014

Losing and missing my son Justin, my biggest heartbreak.


Not the best copy of a picture of Justin, I dont have my scanner hooked up and so I used my iphone to take the picture, I am thinking this is Christmas 2002.

I wrote this a few years ago about how it happened with my son and how I felt. 
The day after labor day 6 years ago, was Tuesday September 6 2005. 9:20am, I was sleep, ( of course) and my Dad came and got me and said my Mom was on the phone, something was wrong with Justin. That he wont wake up, and that the paramedics were there or on their way or I dont really remember. That was the worse morning ever, I could not believe something could happen to my son. Impossible, he is full of life, loves life, has many friends and a son he loves and many things to do, he is only 22 year old. He still has a long life to go. I called someone from Church, not sure who I called first, but I was so freaking out, next thing I remember is going to the hospital, St Joe's in Phoenix, I think it takes 20  mins or so to get there, I dont know. but I just prayed the whole time we were driving there, how could something happen to my son, why??? Please God dont let anything happen to Justin, I love him so much, I cant bear the thought that he could be gone.
Well we got to St Joe's and Andrew Brown was there, I think he met us out in the parking lot, they started to take me to a room, you know the room no one ever wants to go, the place they tell you that you have lost you loved one. I saw my Mom there, and my X Justin's Dad, I am pretty sure I yelled at him and also at Ted to do something, this cant be true, not my son, never. I see this moment every day, so fresh after 6 years, just like yesterday.  I am just sick right now thinking about it. I want to curl up in bed and go to sleep, I am not suppose to lose my son. I want my son back, he was my son, my friend, we grew up together and had a great time together. I still need him. And I love him and miss him every day.

Hugs Justin and RIP I miss you every single day. 
Love Mom.

1 comment:

Jann H Schott said...

Oh, how I wish I could change that horrible day for you my friend. I hate to see you in so much pain, and I know there are just certain dates and times of the year that it can all get so overwhelming.

Big hugs to you. You are loved by so many people--please remember that on your darkest days.